I will not be a hypocrite.
Many knew that our union was a fast one. We met on August 2013 and got married at September 2014. t was a fast affair. But not one that we regret. Yes, as most of you already knows, I was already pregnant with Cloud when we got married in September 2014. It is not something that I am proud of. But I do not hide nor cover that up either. It’s the truth. But the most important truth is this – we got married not because I got knocked up, but because we knew that we are ready and we wanted to do it. We did not got married because society dictates that we do so. We did not got married because our families wanted us. We got married because we are ready. And most importantly, we wanted to seek God’s guidance and provision as we took on another step in life – marriage and parenting.
In a few weeks, we will be celebrating our fourth year as a couple. The journey was not without its bumps and flaws. There had been fights – huge ones and petty ones. There were exchanges of words – some quite hurtful that we both took time out for healing. But most importantly, it has been a life changing and lesson filled four years.
Some of those lessons I have learned, I will share in this post.
- Make God the center of EVERYTHING.
As cliche as it may seem, this is very, very true. We tried to do this marriage our way – and ended up hurting each other. Then we came to the Lord in complete surrender. Every plan, every decision, we seek God’s wisdom and guidance. We made Joshua 24:15 our family verse – “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
We ensure that we always pray as a family. And God’s plan is indeed always better than ours. He started using people in the form of colleagues, friends and family members to help answer our requests and petitions to Him. I started attending worship service again and included Cloud in the kid’s ministry. Slowly, God is transforming our marriage.
Most importantly, I surrendered to Him all my doubts, fears and negative thoughts towards my partner. I keep in my heart God’s reminder about what Godly love is. It is not selfish, it does not keep a record of wrongs and does not rejoice over evil. We both strive to learn how to address our issues without raising our voice or making a scene with our fights.
A marriage centered on following God’s example is a marriage bound to succeed. It is a marriage comprised of two sinful individual with a God who forgives all sins.
2. COMMUNICATION is vital.
On the first few months of our marriage, I was struggling. I found it hard to tell my husband what I really feel about certain things. Instead, I would just sulk and throw a tantrum. Very childish and immature. Very wrong for a woman of God.
And it’s true. Men are not mind readers. No one is. For us to be understood, we have to say what we want to say and mean it. Be direct and straight to the point. I have a husband who hates “paliko likong usapan”. He would rather have it straight out than trying to make him figure out what I want to say.
Also, talking and communicating are not synonymous. I’ve realized that I talk. Like a lot. But most of the time, I do not communicate with my husband. I was so busy talking and when I’m not talking, I’m not really listening to what he is saying but rather, my mind is again busy crafting responses for his argument. Very wrong.
Communication should be two way. Speak to understand. Listen to understand and not just to respond.
3. WINNING AN ARGUMENT is secondary. The primary is KEEPING THE LOVE.
In the recent months, I’ve realized that I don’t really have to win every argument. What’s the point of winning when you’ve hurt each other with words? What is more important is that I was understood. He may not agree with me but at the very least, he understood my point and where I am coming from.
4. And the most important thing, CHOOSE LOVE.
The decision to love my husband is a decision that I made daily. It’s true. Keeping the marriage vows of “through thick and thin” is easier said than done. There are days when it’s extra hard to do so. But it is this extra hard days when I lean closer to the Lord for that extra dose of love and guidance. Because it’s easy to say “I love you” when the finances are okay, the kid is healthy and bills are paid. But it gets tougher when the kid is sick and he’s on travel, or you’re unwell and he has to be away. Or those days when you needed love affirmation but he’s also busy and can’t just get it.
Love. Choose it. Make a conscious decision to keep that love alive in your heart. And when it seems that the glow has died out, remember your marriage vows.