All couples go through tough times. Some more often than others. Jay and I rarely fight, but when we do, it goes big time. Not big that is loud but big in the sense that the silence is so BIG and LOOMING, it is almost deafening.
Last week, I was under a lot of stress. Cloud had caught some viral infection, with his fever going on and off and several trips to the pulmonologist, I am starting to have a migraine. All I really wanted was to just close my eyes, turn off the tv and the light and went into a deep slumber. But I can’t because I have to watch the clock for his medicine. And Jay thought it was the perfect time to go out with his friends and have some good time. I asked him not to go so he could watch after Cloud while I wait for the migraine to subside. But he still went. According to him, he will only be gone for a short while, he just have to get the reef magnet and chocolates.
His decision offended and angered me. My initial emotion felt like I was chosen over a piece of reef magnet, his friends over our marriage and a lot of anger, all towards my husband. My emotion got the upper hand and I said ugly things to him through Facebook messenger. I am the type of wife who lets my husband have his “fun time” because I understand that his friends (now our friends) is a part of his life that I have to accept. I never complained even if he sometimes go home way past midnight or even if he spend some time with women friends because I trust him that much. Except last Sunday night. I was not at my best condition and I felt like I am about to scream my head off. And he decided to have his “fun time”. Angry and hurt was an understatement to how I felt.
He went home early that night but I didn’t talk to him. I was still seething and fuming. At that moment, I hated his friends too. And the sight of the reef magnet in our fridge annoyed me, I wanted to throw it to the trash bin. The next day, we have to bring back Cloud to the pulmonologist. Our communication was minimal and dismal, it’s as if the sight of each other is a sore.
I knew that we were both wrong and that what we are doing is against Lord. It is very unpleasing to his eyes. Then I was rebuked by the verbs in Proverbs, “Guard your heart, for from it springs the evil in our mouth.” and “In your anger, do not sin.”
Jay may have been wrong for not being sensitive enough but I was also wrong for wallowing in my anger far too long. We finally kiss and make up last night. It felt a lot better, lifting everything to the Lord in my prayer and asking for His grace. We knew that it is only by His grace and mercy that our marriage can be strong. We regret being angry, for we know that our anger paved a way for the devil to have a place in our marriage.
Anger doesn’t bring any goodness in relationship and in self. It is like a double edged sword. It hurts not on only the person you are angry with, it also destroys you.