“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”- Joshua 24:15
I got pregnant before Jay and I got married. This may be common nowadays, but for us, it was our downfall as children of Christ. We felt that we have betrayed God, our parents, our families and friend. And, I will not advise this course of action to other single, young adults, especially Christians. Please, strive to overcome the desires of the flesh and lust.
Allow me to refer to my pregnancy as “our pregnancy” because in reality, it was. I didn’t bear the burden of pregnancy alone, my husband stayed with me from the beginning to the end.
Our first trimester was very painful,stressful and toxic. We were afraid of everything and everyone. We felt that we are unworthy of God’s grace and love. We struggled and for many, many times, I hurt my husband – verbally and emotionally. As a child of God, it was unbecoming and not right. Instead of seeking His forgiveness and guidance, I started to be angry and bitter. Our relationship suffered. I pushed my husband (boyfriend,back then) away and hurt him in ways he doesn’t deserve.
But, God’s love and grace prevailed. When I felt like I can’t take it anymore, I opened up to my Mommy (she’s actually my mother’s sister-in-law) but I lived with them. And God bless them more, I never heard nor felt any anger, “sumbat” or whatsoever from their family. Mommy and Daddy accepted me and Jay, with their constant prayer and guidance.
Next came the part of telling our parents. Since Mama and Papa has long been pushing me to settle down and have a family, the thought of having their grandchild superseded the fact that I got pregnant outside of marriage. They trusted Jay and knew that he will own up and be responsible. Among the three boyfriends I have introduced to my family, he was the only one who received my father’s approval and blessing. Yes, they click together. And yes, my father adored him. Sometimes, I even wonder if he love his son-in-law more than his own daughter. In so many ways, Jay became the son my parents wished but never had.
From his side, I was welcomed with open arms. My parents-in-law allowed us to live with them while we are still on the process of preparing and building our own home. I am blessed with supportive siblings-in-law.
Our civil wedding was witnessed by a small group of family and friends. It was intimate, the way we wanted it to be. The most important message to us that day was “When you feel like giving up and leaving your marriage, remember why you get married in the first place. It is because you love each other and wanted to spend the rest of your life together. In tough times, remember the love that you share. Think of the smiles, the laughter and the giggles that you have together. Remember that God loves you.”
I was seven months when we got married but my pregnancy was not easy. I had the morning sickness until the day I delivered Cloud. It should not be called morning sickness because it last all day long. The hormonal change was also nerve wrecking. There were times when I wanted to took Jay’s head out for no valid reason at all. It was crazy like that.
It was on the 13th of December 2014 when I gave birth to Cloud Emmanuel via normal delivery. It was a fourteen hour long labor, I wanted to give up. But during those times, I simply closed my eyes and pray, seeking God’s grace and mercy for the sins that we had made. And when he came out, I knew that he is not a mistake. The way he was conceived was, but not him. He is God’s vessel of redemption to us.
Each time we hold our baby, we remembered the sins we made and how God has forgiven us. Each time we kiss him, we offer a silent prayer of thanksgiving for blessing we know we don’t deserve. And each time we hug him tight, God’s favor in our family is affirmed. For this little child of ours is a beautiful reminder that God will never forsake His beloved children
This is our family’s story. It is not perfect nor exemplary. But we know that there are lessons others can learn from us.