Archive | December 2013

Never Look Back

We all get tired of praying.

Let’s all be honest and admit that. At one point or more in our lives, we feel like God is somewhere so far away to answer or hear our prayers. And we would say “It could have been better if I haven’t known and accepted Him. Perhaps, I would have lesser expectations and responsibilities in life.”

But, we should never feel that way. We should not think of becoming God’s children as a punishment or a burden. It is more than a blessing, it is grace that we never deserve. And above all, we should never look back.

Few years ago, I was into a drinking spree. Every other day, after class, without missing a beat of it, I would head off to a pub near our school and drown myself into alcohol. My parents’ didn’t like it and I didn’t care a bit. What they said comes in on my right ear then goes out of the left. I used to think “this is my life. i would live it the way I want it.”

But God has better plans for me. In one of my frequents solo walk, I found myself thinking about the lessons I had in a Christian preparatory school. My teacher would often say ” Your body is a temple of the Lord. Your sins were paid by Jesus Christ on the cross. You were saved by His love.”

I tried to shut out those voice in my head. I don’t want to pay attention. I just wanted to go on with the way I live. But conviction over ruled. I found myself reading the story of Lot and how his entire family suffered because of sin. I realized I don’t want it to happen to me. I realized how much pain I am causing to the people who love me most. So, I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And I have never stopped praying until now.

I’m not perfect, i still have to struggle with alcoholism and not to drink a drop of it whenever it’s available is a struggle that i have to deal daily. But I will not look back. I will set my eyes for the reward in heaven. 

Changing Paradigms

I look at the twinkling Christmas lights while I was stuck in the heavy traffic of the Metro. As a little girl, I used to be so amazed by the splendor of those lights. More than once, I wished of living in a house full of twinkling lights and giant Christmas trees, laden with gifts and sweets.

Twenty plus years later, here I am. Still amazed by the splendor of the lights but no longer wishing to live in a house filled of twinkling lights and christmas trees and gifts and sweets. All I wanted is to be at home, with my folks and my dear sister. Typhoon Haiyan had hit our town, and few days before Christmas, electricity is yet to be restored. In lieu of twinkling Christmas lights and all the grandeur of this Season, our home is lit by one electric bulb, powered by a generator. No tall Christmas trees or gifts, either, as most of our finances went into the immediate restoration of our house.

But I don’t care. I don’t need those fancy stuff, all I need is to see and feel that my family is safe and well. No amount of grandness can compensate for them. Perhaps, with ageing comes the shedding of a girl’s rose-colored perspective of life into something more realistic. A little bit harsh and tough but still wonderful.