Yesterday, after taking four long months of hiatus from running, I decided to jog after work. And I did. But in order to get to the park where I jog, I have to cross a very busy intersection, without the aid of a pedestrian lane.
Crossing the intersection from the office was made easy because I was joined by several other people,including a pregnant friend, so drivers and motorists where polite enough to let us cross. I spend two hours running and walking at the park. And it was the crossing from the park to the office that was challenging and at the same time, challenging.
I was scared and disappointed when I arrived at the intersection ALONE. And I didn’t have the courage to cross because majority of the passing vehicles are large, ten-wheeler trucks and suicidal jeepney drivers. So there I stood at the side of the intersection. All of my 5’foot flat frame shaking from head to toe, with sweat (definitely not from running!) flowing down my back and my face, wondering what made me decide to jog alone in the first place.
And then there he was, smelly, dirty, looks a little bit crazy and definitely scary. One look at me standing there and he knew what I needed. He crossed the intersection and motioned to me to follow him. Not really sure if it’s the right thing to do, I followed him. And hey! i was able to cross! (applause!) I exhaled a long deep breath, closed my eyes and sent an express prayer to the Lord. And when I opened my eyes, he was crossing the street again.
I felt jubilant and proud! I was able to cross that crazy, busy intersection. All thanks to the Lord for sending that man.
And I realized several things from that event:
1. My fear of crossing busy intersections are like my fear of commitment and relationships. It send shivers down my spine and doubts in my head. I have this gazillion what ifs , but my greatest fear is that of getting hurt – by vehicles, reckless drivers and unfaithful partners.
2. I need to face my fears, one day at a time. No fear can be conquered and vanquished in one sitting. It will all take time. And practice. And prayer. Prayer. and lots of prayer.
3. I need help. I think this was one of the most crucial learning from that fifteen-minute encounter. i cannot let go and face those fears on my own. I need help. And by the fact that I acknowledge that I need one, I am one step closer.
Funny how the simple encounters and events in our life can make a lasting impact. Ironic how life’s greatest lessons springs from simple scenes.
I was able to cross that intersection. By God’s grace, I know that it’s not just intersections that I can cross.