Archive | January 2013

Tough Love

I have always believe that God has the perfect plan for everyone. That includes the perfect timing, the perfect moment and the perfect person. It’s just that often times, I forgot that what would be perfect in my sight isn’t exactly perfect by the Lord’s standards.

I often found myself staring into space, dreaming of having that one love that could complete me, that I could have that moment when I can hold someone’s hand while walking, that I could have someone to lean on while watching sunrise and sunsets, that I could have someone to share secret jokes and that I could have someone to tell me “i love you”after a long, tiring day at work.

but that kind of love had been elusive to me. At one point I almost have that kind of love.But I was so young then, I didn’t really realize that the relationship and the person that I have was special. Too late for regrets now though, he’s happily engaged. And I’m happy for him, too. He’s with a woman who knows his worth and made him feel loved – something I was not able to give him when we were still together.

All the relationships that followed were miserable, but still full of lessons.

It has been quite a long time since I was in a relationship. It would be three years now (considering how  young people nowadays change their partners, that’s a record already), and I can’t help but wonder, maybe something’s wrong with me.

I had attempted several times to be with prospective partners, but it all seems to fail. Not that I don’t pray. I always pray before I make any decisions, before anything else, I always pray. 

At times, I thought “this is it!” only to be hurt in the end. And then, the cycle begins again.

Through all this, I hold on to God’s promise in Ecclesiastes 3:1 that everything has it’s own time. But sometimes, it is just so hard to wait. 

It doesn’t help that most of the people I see are in a relationship or getting into one. At times, it just seems so unfair. What some other people treat as just a past time is something that I have been missing for quite a long time.

I still believe in love. Maybe I’m just having a tough time waiting for it.



in pain

they say that love stories have only two possible endings – a happy ever after or a once upon a time.

i believe that my love story belongs to the once upon a time category.

Once upon a time, a boy broke my heart by cheating on me. After investing emotions, thoughts and financial resources in our relationship that lasted for almost a year, I found out that he was also in a relationship with three other girls. I asked him to chose and he chose somebody else. So, I left – with a broken heart, shattered dreams and hatred.

and i made a vow never to let any man be close to my heart again. and i was doing quite well until i met someone. i met him in one of our mission trips. it started quite good-we talked and talked, we became facebook friendfs, communication was there,very constant, we see each other, we go out, we watched movies together. and i started to let my guards down.

only to get hurt in the end. for he is not ready. and so i am into the friend zone. and i’m scared. of a lot of things. it hurts to be treated just like any other friend that i just want to leave. but i believe its more painful to totally detach myself from him.

/and it just hurt that way./