Archive | October 2012

This Complicated Thing

I’m tired.

It never occurred to me that I will get tired of loving him. But now I know I do.

I got tired waiting for him – to say something, to decide, to make things clear.

So I’m giving my heart a break. I know that my feelings will not go. But my focus and attention, I will do my best to veer away from him. I will. I must.

Because all this waiting is sapping every ounce of emotional strength in me. I know that God has a perfect timing for everything and that, sometimes, God didn’t give us what we want but what we deserve.

But right now, my human heart is at its lowest point. All these gray areas between the two of us aren’t doing me any good.

Does he really care? I don’t know. He never tells and I don’t want to rely on my assumptions and expectations. It had failed and hurt me before, better be cautious now then.

Do I even matter to him? I don’t know. Those text messages and movie trips may mean something or it may not mean anything at all.

I’m just tired. And right now, I just want the comfort of God, to feel His never ending assurance that I am alone, that He is with me.

I just need to someone to hold my hand tight and tell me that everything will be fine.

Most of all, I just want a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, be in my most comfortable lounging clothes and tucked up in for hours and cry all these misery away.

You see, this is really complicated stuff.

I never wanted to like him. I was happy in my simple quiet life – a good job, a happy family and a ministry that helps me grow deeper in Christ.

And then he came along.

We go through the basics – the getting to know you, the we text each other, the we talk about our everyday life, and then those things that complicate it – I am not your boyfriend but I act like one.

Whatever!

Why everything does have to be complicated? – Like this post for example.

So, I will stop thinking of him from this day on. I will stop waiting for his text messages. I will stop checking my Facebook account every five hours just to see if he liked my status or not. And maybe, just maybe, I will pray without ceasing that if this is not His will, He will take this feeling away. If it His will, may He guide me to be still and wait for His time.

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Love Life

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Life is a blessing.

Every morning, when we take our first breathe for the day and open our eyes (really really slow on weekends and abruptly during school and work days,I bet!) we are experiencing the miracle of life, first hand.

It is just sad that due to varying circumstances in life, many of us had failed to appreciate simple things in life and had focused instead on the bleakness and hardness of it.

This is sad. 😥 I believe that regardless of hardships, failure and heartaches, we should live life to the fullest – EVERYDAY. No excuses, no regrets.

If you got hurt, it’s okay to feel sad. But wallowing in pain and misery is unacceptable. The world will not stop turning for you to cope up. Just as people cannot wait on you forever to heal.

Never wait for tomorrow to do the following things – least you want to regret it in the end.

  1. Give and spend time with people you love. Time is one thing that when lost is lost forever. Got it?
  2. Tell and show people that you care for them. Your words should be affirmed by your action and vice versa.
  3. Forgive. It may not be easy but it will be for the best and it’s the right thing to do.

 

When we look at life with happy, positive perspective, it becomes more meaningful and we grow in love.

 

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me and my cousin, Ezra John, on our way to Nueva Ecija

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me, Ezra John and our Youth Ministry Pastor, Pastor Jhun Mayo

When Love Happens

When is the right time to be in love?

I do not and never will know. Love happens to every one, of that I am sure. But on when, why or how, I do not have the answer.

I just have simple principles and core beliefs when it comes to love.

1. In order to love another, you have to understand what love really meant.

i Corinthians 13: 1-13

I have always refer to these verses every time I am asked about love. For us to determine if love is real, it has to fulfill and comply by the qualifications the Bible had set.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

2. Do not fall in love. Walk into love.

Why? Because falling hurts, while walking with slow, steady and measured steps provides us with caution. protection and safety.

 

3. Be ready to take and make risks.

 

Love is a risk. Anyone who says it isn’t is a fool. When we have love, we care. When we care, we weigh and make decisions that affects not only us but other people as well. When you’re not ready for the responsibility of making a commitment, then don’t even start one.

 

4. Guard your heart.

Guard your heart because it is the most deceitful part of our humanity. When in a relationship, avoid being in a compromising situation other than your partner ( and yes, that includes the so called “harmless” flirting. There is no such thing as harmless when it comes to flirting.) And when you are unsure of what you feel, take a few steps back and assess yourself and the situation. DO NOT RUSH AND AVOID MAKING QUICK JUDGEMENTS.

5. Avoid gray areas.

Again, everything should be clear with you. You should be sure of what you REALLY feel. Stop relying on those MAYBE. Those can be YES or NO and somebody gets hurt on the process. So, as long as your mind is still undecided, do not jump into the commitment wagon.

 

Love is wonderful, like dandelions after the rain. It should not be taken for granted. It should happen at the right time, at the right place witn the right person.

Because I Have To

How can you forgive him?

This is the constant and consistent question that I have to answer every time people asked about me and my ex boyfriend.

Honestly, at first I can’t. I felt betrayed, fooled and indignant for being cheated upon. I know that almost everyone, at some point in our lives, have been betrayed.

But I realized one thing. I can never move forward and get on with my life if I keep holding on to that grudge. I knew that I have to forgive.

It was a long and painful process and it was not easy either. At times, I feel like it feels so good to be angry at him than just forgive him. Yet I knew that doing the right thing will be the best decision I can make. And indeed, it was.

I prayed long and hard for God to heal my heart and mind. Again, surrendering everything to Him is not easy. My human nature urges me to take revenge, to fight back, to make him suffer. to humiliate me the same way he did to me.

But God, who is righteous, powerful and omnipotent has forgiven humanity, losing and sacrificing His only Son in the process. And who I am not to follow His example? I am a mere dust,a speck on this vast universe of creation.

So, I lift everything to Him. I gave all of it to him – my shattered dreams and my broken heart. And He restored me- with a new and forgiving heart.

I forgave my ex not because I can but because I have to. For me to start real new beginnings in life. Just like I cannot start writing a new chapter in my book without closing the prior chapter. Every story deserves an ending. A proper closure. One that makes the cycle complete.

We forgive because we were forgiven.

Dart Test

This is a powerful message. Please read all of it. I am passing it on because I am certainly not ashamed to do so.

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.

On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person’s picture.

Sally’s friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointments when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn’t have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged mark covered his face and His eyes were pierced.

 

Dr. Smith said only these words:

 

” In as much as you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it to me.” – Matthew 25:40

 

My friend, what have you done to the less fortunate today?